Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize