This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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