when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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