Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize