I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize