we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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