Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize