When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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