apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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