Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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