I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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