Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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