I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Floor bacon is actually really good
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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