Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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