i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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