If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
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All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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