I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
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