There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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