Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love you.
Bad choice
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize