So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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