his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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