The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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