my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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