Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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