somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
did i just pee glitter
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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