Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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