K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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