Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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