On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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