I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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