WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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