I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
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I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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