Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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