You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize