I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize