You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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