im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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