my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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