Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Randomize
Follow @tfln