is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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