There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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