help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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