How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize