He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize