I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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