rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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