my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize