cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
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I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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