Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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