So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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