sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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